Life goes on, sometimes without us

I always try to keep my whiney bits to myself.  I am not always (or often, even) successful.

I frequently become withdrawn and don't communicate.  Usually because my brain has decided to eat all the light out of my soul.  Sometimes things are so bad even the drugs don't seem to be helping.

I have just started making this blanket - Last Dance on the Beach.  The kit was featured in an email from Paradise Fibers.   And because I recognize this struggle, and am fighting hard to stay afloat since last fall. It hurts my soul to see another soul that lost the fight.

And it doesn't really matter how well or poorly life is going.  Every setback is a major failure, no matter how small.  I've had some pretty major set backs lately, but certainly nothing life ending.  I know that objectively, but in my brain the entire world would just be better off without me.  And I'll never fix the mess my life has become. Or better, that the things I'm doing/have done are ruining my loved ones' existence.   And as if that isn't enough the whispers that no one really loves you anyway, are even more insidious.

It sucks when your own brain is your worst enemy.

So with every stitch of every square I'm asking for the strength to keep up the good fight, one second at a time. Because that's the best I can do.

And some day soon, with grace and perseverance, the clouds will part and things will be okay.

I hope.