Sunday, August 07, 2016

A little good news

I have a new job, that I really think I will like, working for a company that appears to be really good - caring for it's employees.  I am really excited and hopeful about this.

**From here there were nothing but whiny bits, most of which were removed** - suffice to say - depression sucks and makes it hard to get things done. I'm having a hard time getting things done and I have to pick and choose the important things I can spend my energy on carefully.  Right now putting on the good face at work is most important and everything else is on the perhaps if I'm lucky list.

I won't beat myself up for not getting all the things done (it's bad, really bad, to do that.  It makes things worse).  I don't need other people doing it for me.  If you are going to do that, I'm going to not talk to you.  I am doing the best I can, if you want more than that I need to not deal with you right now.  It doesn't matter that you don't understand how it can be that hard.  At this point in time, it just is.

Yesterday I got about 1/4 of the things that needed to be done accomplished.  But in the realm of less clutter is supposed to be better (and really checking a thing off the list of To Dos is good) I sewed up a sweater that I finished knitting in 2014.  There are some ends from putting in the neck that need to be woven in, but I'm considering it done.

Small victories. 

Today I have to leave the house and get some groceries, no matter how hard that will be.  And put clean sheets on the bed.  

Anything else that gets done - small victory.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Life goes on, sometimes without us

I always try to keep my whiney bits to myself.  I am not always (or often, even) successful.

I frequently become withdrawn and don't communicate.  Usually because my brain has decided to eat all the light out of my soul.  Sometimes things are so bad even the drugs don't seem to be helping.

I have just started making this blanket - Last Dance on the Beach.  The kit was featured in an email from Paradise Fibers.   And because I recognize this struggle, and am fighting hard to stay afloat since last fall. It hurts my soul to see another soul that lost the fight.

And it doesn't really matter how well or poorly life is going.  Every setback is a major failure, no matter how small.  I've had some pretty major set backs lately, but certainly nothing life ending.  I know that objectively, but in my brain the entire world would just be better off without me.  And I'll never fix the mess my life has become. Or better, that the things I'm doing/have done are ruining my loved ones' existence.   And as if that isn't enough the whispers that no one really loves you anyway, are even more insidious.

It sucks when your own brain is your worst enemy.

So with every stitch of every square I'm asking for the strength to keep up the good fight, one second at a time. Because that's the best I can do.

And some day soon, with grace and perseverance, the clouds will part and things will be okay.

I hope.

Saturday, December 05, 2015

Where did my year go!?

It's has been a really awful year.

Well not completely, but for the most part 2015 will not be in my book of times to remember fondly.

I did have the great blonde bombshell months.  Platinum blonde for the win.  But holy crap, high maintenance.  And then my position at work was eliminated and regular visits to the salon were out.  That much blonde is just hard on hair, and no trims is also bad. Eventually the color difference got the better of me and I tried to dye it.  I do this all the time, but this time the dye didn't stick to the blonde bits. So I tried to strip the color, fail.  Only one choice - a goooooood hair cut.  I went to a salon, told that stylist - the damaged bits need to go, but NO bangs.  Last thing she does? You guessed it.  I HATE growing out bangs.  Long layers are bad enough, but were a necessity.  Bangs are just a misery.

Over all the hair cut isn't bad.  My hair is much better now and I can face growing out the layers and have my beloved bob back.  The bangs, however, already fill me with dread.

On to better things - KNITTING!

I am making another Baby Surprise Jacket.  This one is a commission knit, for a very good friend. I have 3 rows left before the bind off.  I could have finished it hours ago, but I'm just sitting here looking at it.  I have no idea why, but I LOVE making this little masterpieces.  I even enjoyed the never ending, bulky acrylic, Adult Surprise Jacket I made (and then gave away - it didn't fit me).

I have approximately 8 pairs of socks in various stages of completion.  I would like to finish those this month.  In fact I'd like to finish all the WIPs and start the new year fresh.  Unfortunately there are only 24 hours in a day so that just isn't feasible.

It would be nice to make a good dent in them though so that will be my goal.  I should make a list and then check them off as they get finished.  It always feels so great to watch a list of to-dos dwindle. Plus I'm sure my mother would like to have the three or four objects I'm working on for her.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015


I did some more wool dyeing this weekend.  A while back I lost all my dyes in a move and while at a fiber fair I found a sample kit of Greener Dyes so I bought it. I didn't use the dyes then.  Dharma had a sale and I bought some of their dyes which I know I like.

Long way to saying, I finally tried the Greener dyes.  I'm sorry to say this was not a pleasant experience.  I dyed a pot full of locks peacock blue/turquoise.  The color in the pot was lovely.  Then I started rinsing, and rinsing and rinsing and rinsing.  Today is the third day I spent soaking and rinsing and the dye is still pouring out of the fleece.  It has gone from deep turquoise to robins egg and still the dye is pouring out of the fleece.

At this point I'm just disgusted. I really see no choice but to keep rinsing the dye out, as I'm unwilling to use it or sell it this way.  But I'm sick of standing over the basin running water over the fleece and I hope to heck it isn't going to end up felted in places and unusable. What a waste of my time.

Thursday, November 05, 2015

Guy who?

Just a short rambling post.

I've taken out and knitted the same two rows on my 'Square necked Cardigan' all day.

I decided to give myself a break, dyed a pot full of wool - which doesn't seem to have come out as I'd planned.  It will be going up, as intended, on Etsy either tomorrow or this weekend. I like dyeing, but I couldn't ever do a real shop.  I'm not disciplined enough and I'd never get the same thing twice.  

Then I decided to make the rice pudding I've been promising myself for months.  I went looking for a recipe I could throw in the slow cooker and after I got everything started I decided to read the reviews.  I never read them first, I alway trust my own instincts on the recipe being something I'll like. However, sometimes I read them for the amusement.  

I have to admit that my personal favorite are the negative reviews where they changed everything (or several things) about the recipe and it didn't come out well.  Once you have made more than two substantial changes to the recipe it's not the recipe's fault if its bad.  

Come to think of it, I've seen it on knitting pattern reviews as well.  I've been known to make changes to patterns to suit my personal style but I'd never blame the designer or the pattern writing when the funny fit is because I removed all the shaping and used fingering weight yarn instead of worsted weight.  But that isn't true of everyone. 

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Back - Again

There has been knitting.  I've finished several pairs of socks and even a sweater. Except I'm still looking for buttons for the sweater. 

I've also made progress on several afghans.  This one is my current favorite.  There are several patterns using this stitch on Ravelry but I started with the pattern I found at Lion Brand's website. 
I'm using the large amounts of yarn my father got for me.  This will be nice Large afghan for the couch or a bed.

I've also started putting together the top with these blocks.  It took a long time and several failed starts on a nice assembly method.  This is a simple slipstitch join that 'zips' the blocks together.  Because the backgrounds are not all the same it give a nice edge to the blocks. 

And since there is still MORE acrylic yarn to be used up I'm designing (and I use the term loosely) this afghan to use up all the remaining bits that aren't big enough for the other projects or have already been used more than a fair share.  It's a simple SC row increased on both ends so that the stripes will grow from the corner.  When it's as wide as I want it I'll change to increasing on one and and decreasing on the other until it's as long as I want and then decrease on both ends until there are no stitches left. 

The other item I've finished this past week is some card weaving.  This is just over 2.5 yards about 1/2 wide.  It's quite pretty I think and I'm going to use it and another wider pattern to trim a dress that I will wear for my historical recreation group. 

In addition finishing up a few WIPs I'm thinking that I should put together a set of projects to start and finish this next year.  I want to finish the purple and blue Philosopher's Wool sweater and many pairs of socks and a couple of Starmore sweaters that are sitting in my stash.  I plan to put together a list and a timeline and see if I can stick to it for 6 months. It will be good to find the patterns and yarn and get them in a place I can find them.  Too often I can't find either the pattern or the yarn and I waste scads of time and motivation looking instead of doing. 

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

And I was doing so well

But then, well, life happened, as it is want to do.

Work got weird (weirder, really) and then my position was eliminated.  So I've been stuck at home looking for work for the last two-ish weeks.  I'm doing everything I can to keep from getting bored.

I've finished a couple quilt tops. Put one on the quilting frame. I started a couple more quilts with fabric that's been aging for several decades. I unknit some yarn that my father bought me at a sale and repurposed it to a new sweater (which might become an actual pattern).  I sewed some undies.  I made some nice tool carriers.  (Craftsy might be the devil) And I even cleaned my apartment, including the bathrooms and put most of my stuff out of boxes (from the moving) and away.

Today there was some more sewing insanity and I baked bread.

I am working on the quilt for my mother (Christmas present from her children) and I decided I should do something with all the odd bits.  I thought this postage stamp block was a good idea:

I will see how many of these little 4"x4" blocks I can finish before I'm out of fabric or patience.